The Taking of the Kennedy Center

Will Trump's "Golden Age of Arts & Culture" be a boon for people who clap on the one and the three?

Sure, l know l previously pooh-poohed the idea of President Trump heading up the respected Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts.

Forgive me. I must have been overcome by woke and caught a case of DEI instead of being the woman I should be -- pumped up with patriotism and Botox.

Once I consulted the Trump Bible ($59.95) and prayed over my $Trump meme coin (market price) I realized the error of my ways.

I got a peek at the offerings for our “Golden Age of Arts and Culture” at the Kennedy Center and admit it’s a bold and tantalizing choice to begin the season with the pro-USA stageplay “Little House on the Prairie Moved for Development” starring no less than Scott Baio as Laura Ingalls Wilder. Since women are no longer allowed onstage at the Center this tracks, but please know audience females will have our very own gender-secure restrooms (take THAT JK Rowling).

I really think Baio is a wonderful choice for the impish and bonneted Wilder. I have similar feelings about Mel Gibson playing Caroline, Laura’s mother.

I can’t wait.

One tingles to know they are proposing an incredible re-working of “The Sound of Music” where the Nazis catch the von Trapp family at the end. This artistic achievement will bring the audience to its feet and provide talking points in segregated schools for years to come!

Why? First, the Nazis will be played by real Nazis! And on nights when a Gestapo cast member might be busy hunting immigrants, Stephen Miller has kindly offered to goose step in.

Before each show, there will be a family-friendly sing-along, so bring all the kids and keep having more.

Enjoy traditional tunes like “What a Friend We Have In Jesus and President Trump,” “Jesus Loves the Little Children (as do a few suspected members of Congress)” and a rousing “Jews Will Not Replace Us” sung by torchlight. Enjoy!

For the music fans, Kid Rock will be in residence all year, taking a summer break to go to rehab, and Uncle Ted Nugent will take over to rock the house with all the songs he's written about Hillary Clinton. Nugent will finish his show each night setting a rainbow flag ablaze by shooting a flaming arrow out of his butt.

I cautiously admit he recently missed during a long night of rehearsal and hit Kristie Noem. It melted her facial fillers, but she's okay now.

Did I say women were not allowed on stage at the Kennedy Center?

Oh l correct myself.

Lindsey Graham’s one-woman show “Bring Me My Tissues I Have Daddy Issues” is sure to be a fan favourite, wherein Miss Graham talks about her rise to political power in the Deep South and shares make-up tips on how to find the perfect shade of foundation to highlight a red neck. She will also astound the audience with tales of how she managed to keep her dildo collection safe during the Civil War.

We sincerely hope all Americans will join us to celebrate the rich heritage of this country and take great pride in entertainment that reflects authentic American culture and celebrates the red, white & blue with an emphasis on white.

God Bless America and no one else!