Donald Trump, his lawyers and campaign aide huddle together in a meeting, trying to figure out how to traverse the 2024 path to the presidency, especially with all the lawsuits against the former Prez. Everyone is worried except Trump.
Trump: Where’s my cheeseburger?
Aide: Sir, it’s six in the morning.
Trump: So?
Aide: McDonald’s serves breakfast until 11 a.m.
Trump: That’s going to change when I’m president again.
Lawyer 1: Sir, you have much bigger problems. I’m not sure you want to get involved in fast food operating hours, because–
Trump: I need McDonald’s to serve cheeseburgers 24-hours a day. And I want them to change their name to “McDonald J. Trump's.”
Lawyer 1: Really, we feel that’s not the kind of thing you should---
Trump: Isn’t that what this meeting is about?
Lawyer 2: No. It’s about your four criminal trials and the multiple civil cases pending against you.
Aide *coughs*: And it’s about your 2024 campaign.
Trump: Oh, I’m not worried about the courts. Everyone knows it’s election interference just trying to keep me from being president again, which is what America wants. I am America’s choice.
Lawyer 2: Yes sir but we have a case before the Supreme Court right now and --
Trump: Oh, that’s what I want! A Crunchwrap Supreme®. Someone call Taco Bells.
Aide: Taco Bell, sir. Singular.
Trump: I don’t care what his pronouns are. Get me a Crunchwrap Supreme®.
(Secretary leaves to go to Taco Bell).
Trump: I’m going to win bigly in the Idaho Caucuses.
Aide: It’s Iowa, and yes, you will probably win.
Trump: I know how to talk to the people of Ohio and they respond to me.
Aide: Right sir, but it’s Iowa. Next, we have to win New Hampshire. We must have a successful long-term plan.
Trump: Why? Why would anyone vote for Sleepy Joe Biden?
Aide: Well, he’s accomplished a lot, including lowering drug costs, the Biparistan Infrastructure Law, the PACT ACT which expands veterans benefits and the CHIPS and Science Act, which helps economic competition with China, plus --"
Trump: He’s got dementia!
Aide: "#Dementia Hitler" was trending on Twitter this weekend and it was about you.
Lawyer 1 (*shoots a look at the aide*): To be fair sir, some of your supporters, like @MAGAMaryMachineGun, @AntifaSupportsArtificalFoodColoring and @KillTheDifferent insisted the hashtag was about Biden and not you.
Trump: I am not Dementia Hitler! I am Super Smart Hitler!
Lawyer 1: I wouldn't say that out loud.
Trump: So how do you think those stupid federal women judges will rule on my absolute immunity claims?
Lawyer 2: Well…we will do our best.
Trump: There will be bedlam if the court rules against me!
Lawyer 2: Starting another uprising when you're charged with conspiring to defraud the United States and conspiring to obstruct an official proceeding on Jan. 6th...really, sir, this is not the time to threaten any more riots.
Trump: I don’t see why not.
Aide: We must focus on the big picture, sir. Haley is doing extremely well in New Hampshire. You’re still leading, but it’s close.
Trump: What’s he done besides write a stupid book about Africans?
Aide: You're thinking of Alex Haley.
Trump: I know who I’m thinking about!
Aide: Um. Alex Haley passed thirty years ago.
Trump: Then how can he beat me?
Aide: Nikki Haley, sir. Nikki Haley, the former Governor of South Carolina. She’s doing quite well.
Trump: But…she’s a woman.
Aide: That’s something a lot of people like about her. A strong, smart, conservative woman.
Trump: She wasn’t smart enough to be in my administration!
Aide: You chose her to be Ambassador to the United Nations.
Trump: Oh her.
Aide: Yes. Her.
Lawyer 1: Hey, she's probably running for Vice President, so don’t worry about Nikki right now.
Trump: She'll never be my Vice-President. I don’t want a woman. I want Marjorie Taylor Greene.
Everyone else in the room: SIR! Bad idea.
Trump: Why?
Everyone: She’s lazy, ignorant, unwilling to learn, tried to block the Equality Act, promotes Q-Anon crackpot theories, called a deadly school shooting “a false flag,” and denied climate change, saying Jewish Space Lasers were responsible for a California wildfire. Plus, while married, she had affairs with various men she met at CrossFit.
Trump: Perfect.
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I actually think that is how most of his staff meetings go! LOL
Hilarious & Spot-on Therra. You’re a literary comic genius! 😆