Check On Your Friends
If they've fought a battle you know about, they may also be fighting a battle you don't know about.
I had an older brother who committed suicide. I was the only one home when he shot himself in the head. He was 24-years old. I was 15.
Two years ago last month, young and very beautiful Sydney Aiello, 19, killed herself a year or so after surviving the Parkland, Florida, mass shooting at her school. That rampage killed 17 of her classmates and teachers. She went on to college but suffered trauma and survivor's guilt. Being in a classroom understandably frightened her.
Jeremy Richman died by suicide two years ago too. His 6-year-old daughter, Arielle, was murdered in 2012, one of the 20 children and six adults killed in the Sandy Hook mass murder.
There are myriad examples every day of people pushed to the edge of life by difficult events or a long, slow grind to what they feel is the bottom.
There are people hurting over current events (the killing of George Floyd and the trial of the officer responsible), past events (childhood bullying or trauma, family issues, divorce, etc.) and recent circumstances (COVID illness or isolation.)
Trauma is real. It’s like a blunt force injury to your life.
Grief and depression will take the sleep out of your nights, the taste out of your food and the hope out of your future. There are very real emotional and mental issues people struggle with. It's an obvious result of an unnatural disaster like a mass shooting, but it also strikes abuse survivors, those who go to or live in a war zone, people who live with disease, exhausted caretakers and those among us who wrestle with losses so deep it embeds shrapnel in our souls.
Check on your friends. If they've fought a battle you know about, they might also be fighting a battle you don't know about.
Good health means good mental health too.
There are resources for those with little money or insurance but a person often has to hunt for it and follow through. Your friend in need might not have the energy left over from day-to-day survival to find resources they need. Help them navigate.
There's counseling for those with insurance or who can afford it and I highly recommend it. No shame. You're simply not meant to do this world alone.
If you broke your leg, wouldn't you go to a professional? Ask a friend for help in getting around? You wouldn’t go home, try to distract yourself and “get over it.” A broken heart is just as real. A shattered soul is just as real.
People fall off a roof and go to the hospital. People fall off the ledge of their own life and they often go into hiding.
Check on your friends.
There are support groups for grief, depression, trauma and PTSD that are often free at churches and community centers (even on MeetUp) where you can relax and be real with people who totally understand what you are feeling. There's no pretense. They've had the same sleepless nights, the same solo "what if" or "why didn't I" conversations, the same nightmares, the same tasteless meals.
You can climb higher when someone holds the ladder for you.
You can move forward faster, even in a forest of fear, if you know someone has your back. Sometimes kind encouragement, even from a stranger, feels like you've won a personal lotto. I know all of this personally.
If you think about suicide it doesn't mean you are weak. It means you are hurting. You need to feel worthy, safe. You need to stabilize. You deserve help and you deserve healing. Your life matters.
We're all in this world together. As much as food and water, we need each other.
If you live long enough, at some point you likely will feel called upon to help a friend or stranger or you will be the person who needs help. Or both.
There's zero shame in being human, I don't care what your family programming or critical voices in your head tell you.
Being human means times of being strong and sure, vibrant, joyful. Being human means times of feeling weak, lost, hopeless, unsure, and angry as hell.
So you have some serious self-loathing, fear or loss of faith? Yep, we get you. You are not alone. Good days may be delayed but they have not disappeared forever. Hang on. We need you. No one else is you and that, my friend, is your power.
Check on your friends.
And check in with yourself. Are you okay? If not, there are people who want to walk and talk with you while you discover what being okay is.
I know first hand that being okay is NOT out of your reach. I promise that after every dark night of the soul is a dawn full of promise. Your promise.
Check on your friends, people.
Thank you, Therra. I’m sorry that I missed seeing this and other posts til now. I’ve been thinking about you a lot and planning to write you. I hope to do that sooner now. Please let me know if there’s anything I can do. If a mountain cabin in N GA would help you thru a transition period, let me know. It’s yours (and I may share it some). Xoxo
Beautiful